first match.

today is a big day for my hip and me. i will be playing in my first match, since i hurt my hip. some days it's hard to believe that i hurt my hip last september... about 11 months ago. and yet, other days, it feels like this has been going on for ever. today is one of those days, that i'm kind of caught in the middle. and it's so hard to believe that i haven't played a match since i hurt my hip in that match last september. i haven't ever really talked about that last day... but i think i will in this post. we'll see if it's healing for me.

it was a normal day. i never would have thought anything of it. i went to all my classes, and then once the school day was over, my team and i headed into the locker rooms, and got changed into our tennis uniforms. we had a home match that day. i was playing second doubles, and we were in the second set, when i started to notice that my right hip was hurting a little. it was nothing too big, i just figured i pulled something, and kept playing. didn't even mention it to my partner or coach. we were near the end of the second set, and it started getting much worse. i began to run with a limp, but was determined to finish out the match. my coach started to notice something was up, and called me over to the fence to ask about it, and i had a hard time making it to the fence. i was limping, and was in some of the most pain i had ever been in. but we only had one game left to finish the match, so i said, coach, i'm gonna finish it. (our team needed our court to win, for us to win the match. i wasn't going to let my team down.) we finished. and we won. my partner helped me off the courts, and my coach brought ice over. i still didn't really think anything of it. i just figured i pulled something. i went to school the next day, and things were quite a bit better, but it still hurt. the next day, i started to play at practice, but about 5 minutes into it, i couldn't bear it. i limped off the court, and called my mom to pick me up. i think that was when i realized, something is wrong. we scheduled an appointment with my pediatrician, but she ended up calling us and recommended that i go straight to an orthopedic. he immediately put me on prescription pain medicine and crutches. that was when we began to head down the path we've been on these last 11 months. that match brought me to crutches for 4 months, pain medicine, mri's, x-rays, ultrasounds, mri's with contrast, physical therapists, massage therapists, another orthopedic, pool therapists, rheumatologists, and i could go on. the pain has gotten much much worse. and my pain tolerance has gotten much much higher. my life was forever changed by jesus during that match. and that was the last match i played in.

and today. is my first time getting back onto the courts for a match, since that day. honestly... i'm worried. i have those thoughts in the back of my head that it's all going to repeat itself. i have those thoughts that i'm going to be put back on crutches, when i can no longer bear to walk after this match. but today is also very different. in that i'm totally leaning on jesus today. i'm handing this match over to him. i am playing today, but jesus is in control of today's match. and i'm following him, down whatever path he may lead me to. i am in deep pain. and i am going to be in even more after today's match. but i am also in love. in love with my king, savior, and best friend... jesus christ. who will never leave or forsake me.
jesus... this match is yours... and i'm giving it back to you.