apart.

i couldn't get myself to post last night, after the match, so please excuse my "late posting"! yesterday's match i gave completely to jesus. i played the very hardest and best i possibly could. we won the first set- 7 to 5. then we lost the second set 2 to 6. (our match took an extremely long time.... we were the last match playing, so for the 3rd set, we just played out a 10-pt tie breaker, versus an entire set.) and we lost the tie breaker.

they played an excellent match. and last night just wasn't our night. but i was just falling apart on the bus. i was doing fine, until the match was over, and i had just shook their coaches hand, and all of a sudden, it was like someone smacked me in the face. (probably satan). telling me... oh blair, this isn't fair. you have been in such pain, and you finally trust jesus enough to get back out on the courts, and he makes you lose. you are in so much pain right now, all because he made you get out on this court, for nothing.

and right there. things just fell apart. literally. i was crying. i was limping. i had a hard time making it onto the bus. my teammates were having to carry my bag, and people were running around and trying to find ice for my hip. and i just sat down on the bus and cried. and. it felt like the world was crumbling. (i know this sounds so overly dramatic. but try to go with me here. i was in probably the most pain i've ever been in, i'm on this school bus, i just lost my first match i had played since i hurt my hip, i was disappointed, i was kind of mad, and i was in extreme pain.) and i will admit that in that moment, i said to jesus. why, jesus? why this much pain? why lose? why am i so angry? why am i so weak? and through the texts of some amazing people (mikey, tara, and allison!) jesus totally answered me. and he didnt' get angry back at me. but simply said. blair... you are in pain, so you can be comforted by me. you lost, so that you can be humble and give the praise of a great match to me. you are angry, so that you can see my grace and love. and you are weak, so that you can see my strength.