broken

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathingwith a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will be okay

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home
-Broken by Lifehouse

i could never say this enough... god has blessed me with the most INCREDIBLE group of believers, so much better than anything i could ever ask for. i totally mean that. i love all of you-- veritas leaders & friends, "underground" leaders from this past year and this summer, upstreet crew, and i could go on and on.

c.g. made a cd for me last week--and this was the opening song on it. i listened to it for the first time on sunday night, and was kind of like, hm... it's got a nice tune. sweet. and that was about all the thought i put to it. then came tuesday afternoon. and i had a total meltdown. it got really rough. and the first thing that came to mind was, turn on that cd that c.g. made you. so i sat down to listen to it, and "broken" played. it was the most perfect song for that moment. mainly because, lifehouse kept it real. when i'm having those meltdowns, it's not very comforting to turn on a song about someone just saying how amazing love is. not that i don't live off of god's love, i do. but during those total lows, you need someone to just be real, and not "downplay" your struggles. and through this song, jesus was able to tell me, i understand that you feel like you are falling apart, that you are struggling, that you are in so much pain, that you have a broken heart, yes... i understand. but you will be okay, i am here, and i have got you. just try to hang on, but i will never let you fall. you are a little lost, but you have not forgotten how to get back to me. i'm right here.

then through the allergist appointment, thursday night, and friday's bloodwork, this song was just playing over and over in my head. i am falling apart, barely breathing, with a broken heart that's still beating, in the pain there is healing, and in God's name, i find meaning. so i'm hangin' on. and i'm hangin' on to the words He has given me.
i may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home.