gotta give.

something's gotta give. you know that feeling? when you literally have not had a chance to just "be" in a couple of weeks-and your mind is flying at about 200 thoughts per minute. and you are getting to bed late-and getting up early. and just going from this to that, and from that to this, and around and around, and it's pure MADNESS? yep. that's what this week was. and so, i am deciding RIGHT NOW. here and now.
something's gotta give.
and that something, is not gonna be jesus. because my schedule has made him sacrifice so much already, and it's too much. he deserves my all. and that's what he's gonna get.

power out. power back.

for those of you who don't know what i am talking about, i am so extremely jealous. for those of you who do, i appreciate your understanding! our power went out on sunday evening at around 7:10pm. we lose our power once or twice a year, and it's always back before i wake up, so i thought nothing of it. that is, until i woke up the next morning, and school was cancelled, due to no power. then tuesday came along and school resumed, but we still had no power at my house. then wednesday, no power at our house. then thursday no power at our house. FINALLY. thursday afternoon, we got our power back. it was extremely humbling and frustrating, living without power for about 91 hours. it was crazy! but it was also a crazy time of learning. there were so many lessons that jesus taught me through this power-outage.
1.) when i would be trying to get ready in the morning, in the bathroom, and holding my little flashlight up to the mirror, just trying to simply see myself, and yet, i couldn't... i would get so frustrated. try putting makeup on, in the complete darkness!! (haha!). but then, the more i thought about it, it also kind of reminded me of what we are called upon to do, constantly, in the real world. as christians, we have our "lights" and we are called into darkplaces, and we try to spread the light, and light up the place/room. BUT, i know i have found, it can be incredibly frustrating and seemingly impossible, if you are the only "light" and you are relying on yourself. we must join our lights with other christians, and we must rely solely on jesus. that's when his light truly shines, and spreads.
2.) sometimes it takes a couple of days without power to become thankful, and to notice the ways in which jesus is constantly at work in your life. like, how easily i forget to become thankful for my lights in my home, and for the microwave, and for the ability to plug in my hair dryer, or turn on my radio, or use my alarm clock. i think we sometimes get so distracted by worldly things (cell phones, computers, tv's, ipods, certain relationships, etc... all of which, can be used for god's glory, but can also easily distract.), and we forget to notice the ways in which god is blessing us, and at work in our lives. i mean, we have an incredible god! one who will turn off your power for a few days, so you can see his power, his love, his blessings, his grace, and his hands at work in your life. how amazing is that.

200

have you ever sat back and realized that you think this life is all about you? because i was just convicted of that.
i'm sitting here... in my sweatpants and t-shirt, all cozy. in a nice house, with food in the pantry and refrigerator, about to make dinner. my parents are married and love each other. i live in a safe community. i have a wonderful church building to go to. and i was sitting here thinking, that this is all about ME. i deserve to be comfortable, i deserve to be loved, i deserve to be treated well, i deserve to be rewarded... and i could go on forever.
but. WHY. what in this human little mind of mine, gives me any permission at all, to think i deserve ANYTHING. to be completely honest, i deserve eternal punishment. i deserve to live in the streets as a beggar, and to be completely humiliated. i am a sinner.
AND YET... GOD in all His glory and splendor, CHOOSES to love me, to forgive me, and to mold me, to be more like Him. And He has BLESSED ME beyond anything i could ever imagine. and i still think this is all about me!
TO TAKE IT EVEN FURTHER... let's say this WAS all about me, for just a minute here, go with me.
when God created the earth, where was i?
when God created man, where was i?
when God lead moses, where was i?
when God sent his one and only son, where was i?
when Jesus died on the cross, where was i?
when God sent the Holy Spirit, where was i?
when God created the church, where was i?
when God created my parents, where was i?
before God created me, where was i?
Honestly, there seems to be a lot of GOD, JESUS, and the HOLY SPIRIT in that... and not a lot of me. the truth is, humans live on average about 80 years. but truly, god can take us at any time. i could live to be 30, 60, 100, 300, or i could die in 10 minutes. i know it's "sad", it's "not pretty", but it's the truth. and so, to think that this was all about me, is INSANE, because i am so temporary. God is ETERNAL. and this... this is all about glorifying GOD. I am nothing in this, except for one of God's children who has been changed by His Love, and i want to show others His Love while I'm here on earth, before i can praise him for eternity. i mean. this is all about god.
it's pretty humbling... just to think about all this. truly. and i hope that your heart is in the right place to now consider this.
my dear friends and brother and sister in christ, the gloerfelts, live in france. laurent is a philosophy teacher at three high schools, and has 200 students. they are looking for 200 people to offer to take up one of these students, and pray for them each day. knowing, that they may never see the fruit of their time and labor, but that it may change the student's life for ETERNITY. please visit their blog at http://www.laurentandmelanie.blogspot.com/ Consider it. This isn't about YOU or ME. This is about God. prayerfully consider if God is calling you to pray for one french student. I'm in. I'm praying for Eve. One ofmy friends is in, she's praying for Leah. Comment on Laurent and Melanie's blog, and they'll get you a student. 200. That's all we need. And we can change these students for eternity with Jesus.

response

today, i feel a need to post a response to a comment that was left regarding my post from a few days ago. but i encourage you all to read it.

dear "anonymous",
thank you for your recent comment. your words were thoughtful and kind. but through them, i see a need for me to apologize. there has clearly been a miscommunicatino on my part. the reason why i write about my pain, is because jesus has given it to me, to glorify him. He would not place me in such pain, for no reason, other than to "bother" me. and so i feel a need for me to share my pain with others. as brothers and sisters in christ, we are called to rejoice together and be sorrowful together, to encourage, and to love upon one another. and in my own experience, the only way to uphold that calling is for us to be vulnerable and real with one another. i do not write and speak of my pain for sympathy, to comfort myself, to focus on the pain, or to feel miserable... i speak of it, because God has blessed me with it for a reason, and i desire to glorify him through it. i have seen jesus' hand at work in me and others through my sharing of my struggles. it is through sharing that i have become grateful for my pain. and it is through continually sharing my pain, that i have remained upon my feet this last year. if i held all my pain in, i would feel alone, and would lose sight of our purpose--glorifying God. this year of pain and struggle has been the best thing for me, and i feel a need to share it. so i thank you for your comments. i thank you for your time in reading my blog. and i thank you for your prayers. please know i prayerfully considered your advice and appreciate it, and yet am following a different path, because i feel i have been called to do so, by our king and lord.
my love and prayers,
god's clay

hungry

so... recently, i've been extremely hungry! i know this sounds really random. but i have been! and i mean in that a few ways! i've actually truly been really hungry, but when ever i start to eat, i can't eat much. so i've been eating TONS of little meals all throughout the day. but the aspect of hunger that i really wanted to post on, was my hunger for Jesus and for Him to be glorified. in my health class, we took a survey earlier this week. out of 17 students, 9 of them admitted to (on a survey) drinking alcohol in the last 30 days. it was just kind of a reality check for me, in jesus showing me the work that He plans on doing in our high school. i recently have been hooked on the song, hungry, by jeremy camp.

hungry i come to you, for i know you satisfy. i am empty, but i know your love does not run dry. so i wait for you. so i wait for you. and i'm falling on my knees, offering all of me. jesus you're all this heart is living for. broken i run to you, for your arms are open wide. i am weary but i know your touch restores my life.

its just such a beautiful cry to god. its like. i'm so hungry, and empty, and weary, and broken. but I KNOW You satisfy, you love, your arms are open, and your touch restores me. And He is ALL that our hearts are living for. what a cool reminder. and truly, i've realized that amidst my struggles, jesus truly is the only thing that my heart is living for. and we've got to offer it all back to Him.

I'm so HUNGRY.
hungry for Jesus.
hungry for Him to be glorified.

what are you hungry for?

the thank-you project

i bought my homecoming dress today! which makes me very happy! its a dark purple/blue color, and it's a halter top, with a diamond broach (spelling??). its cute. i'm just crossing my fingers that i won't be on crutches for homecoming this year! (which i was last year... it was kind of a bummer!)
and then... you may be wondering why i named this "the thank-you project"!! WELL... you will just have to wait and see! lets just say, jesus and i have some things up our sleeves. be on the lookout for signs of gratitude and appreciation!